Desperate 35

Today is Monday 22 November 2021, I am feeling depressed and having self thought of suicides due to questioning my existence in this world. there is no meaning to live with no job no future that i can forsee myself. Feel that I am a piece of bullshit that live up to 35 years and no career. Im totally blind now and now Im in dilemma of the OM position by Care, for me that is backwards and will affect totally my lifestye and status now that im standing now. at the same time, i do not have any job interview and i do get angry why they do not choose me. really no where to go that why suicide thought really flash up from my mind. I even thought that if i were to jump off from the building, life insurance will not release the sum assured out due to non compliance with the TnC. I even thought of mine as well get COvid and die from it. but all these was just a thought. I really need the universe to tell me exactly what is my career. as i urgently need a job. please show me sign in front of my naked eye. my wisdom mind is too shallow that i cant read the interpretation. i would prefer straight to the point. i cant stand it anymore. sometimes i am having insomia, 3 or 4 am woke up and cant sleep back. even try to listen some soothing music to allow myself continue sleep or else the next day, i do not have any energy and feel sleepy the whole day. i do asking myself, 35 this year and what i have accomplished. i do blame Levis why they retrenched me. I put alot of energy and time in the post and i commit myself to perform. i would say that the only job that i ever put my heart inside to work and perform but in the end im get this treatment back. i am risking myself again and dont know when will i get a job. please universe..... God, Lord, Saint, Buddha, Dorje Shudgen, that you read my post, please help me this poor soul to get a job and career to boost up myself. no time for me to waste anymore. PLease.. 

Appear back after 10 years

Out of sudden, my mind flashes back the memories during my university life back then today. I just drove back to across the streets of shops in Sg Long, flashes back my time when i was a student there. A lot of shops being replaced with the new tenant or even renovated. I stopped aside and look the surrounding and let the recall back the memories while listening to one song called " Can we Kiss Forever". This song did brings me back with the nostalgic mood and it indeed emotional.

Well, how are you friends over here? as i browse thru the friend list, some of them already deactivated while majority of the blog stopped on 2010. I guess nobody will look at this blog, well here you will find what my mind and feelings as i will pen it down here. I won't usually share my feelings thru heart to heart talk.

offically the 1st day working

actually it was yesterday i started to work in Tesco as management trainee for buyer. at first, i was totally blank about buyer. but now i get the picture clearer. it was a tough and challeging job plus need a lot of experience to do it. the whole day just sit at the training room and listen to the manager talk, talk talk... the begining was wow... but after lunch, we all feel tired and wanna sleep. is getting bored bored bored....... haha but overall the programme cum orientation was fun and make my mind crystal clear.

homesick

is been a long time i didnt write blog over here. i still remember i wrote my last blog when i started to do my final year project. now pass up already and even after viva. i still got 1 more month to go then will leave UTAR. just now i saw fire crackers. it reminds me of chinese new year. i got the feeling that i getting home sick. i really really miss my family so much that i wanna go back homwtown and put all activites aside. i'm getting sick of city life and stay outside. i really miss my family members. maybe i more to family oriented guy.

my first year

Today i recall back my first day enter into this uni and my life with my ex classmates. Now they all want to graduate and left me for another half year here. Eventhough i miss the time we get along each other, but time goes by and cant turn back. That time, we really stick together like glue. Go lunch, yamcha also together. We also play together. That moment we really experience the spirit of togetherness and caring of each other.

I do appreatiate the time and can say i have an enjoyable moment with them. They all from BMK 06 GROUP 1. Some of them also left the group due to local university. One go to Kedah UUM and other wan go to UMS Sabah.

This picture I organise with the help of my ex class rep, Eric Lai at Scot Pine.


This picture i not sure who suggest we all wear same uni T shirt during lecture and tutorial. Other group see already also 'bo song' us already. haha..

This picture... I still remember. We all like to go to the lift together and do not let other go inside. We all take the lift together.. haha

I still remember this picture during week 2 or 3 year one sem one that time. We all always want to take picture every where we go.

To be honest, I still miss this group. I really fell regret why i left this wonderful group. Sometimes when i recall back, my tears come out automatically. SERIOUS! Is really a big family for me. But my current group that i joining now, to be honest, i do not enjoy at all. They all go to their own way and have their own group. Even every classes whether tutorial or lecturer also not full attendence. How i wish I can go back to the time I first step into that first class with group 1.

Anywhere, I wish all my friends in group 1 a success in future. Sincerely from my heart. I will always remember u all, mark in my heart forever.CHEERS MY FRIEND!

wasting time?

Now is week 13 already and i still playing here and there.Always online and doing nothing. What happen to me? Wake up Wilson!!!!!!!!!!!!If not , you will fall back the same trap. I have told myself that no matter what happen, i need to climb back to the position i belong to.
As the proverb says,' God help those who help themselves'. I still remember my mother's advise and she keep on remain me whenever she calls me up. WAKE UP!!!!!! Do not let ur mother down, Wilson. I know myself. I'm not like others who can play and the same time can get good result. I need to practise. By doing that, only i can get what i desire. No doubt i do jealous on those people who have this talent on it, but i be back who am i.
I always remind myself that God is my center of my life. Without him, i do not know where am i. Maybe working or into darker path. So far, i appreatiate what i have now and i need a good route in front.
I need to do somethings already. No matter what happen, I need to start some notes or revise some tutorial questions. Eventhough this semester only 3 subjects, but still very hard to score because got Ms Leong there. The MCI( Marketing Communication Interface) which she taught. I got the lowest marks for my 3 years of course for this subjects. The only chance left is final. About the other 2, just average marks but i still need to push myself. My thesis also stuck there. Now i only know how difficult to find journals and come out the framework.
No matter what happen, I need to push myself to the limit and forget the negative thoughts. what i need to do now is to get good results and make use of my university life here.

the end of the world

do u ever know about it? nowadays this is the hot n spicy topic ah. so scary la. many prophecy predicted that 2012 dec 12 is the end of human era. the mayan calender they predicted first saying that day and time(but i duno the actual time) is the end.

this is the picture of mayam calender. it has been predicted several incidents and in the end has been fulfill. very accurate also ah.

besides, there also website for this incident. u can have a look. http://www.whowillsurvive2012.com/

as a christian, the bible always remind me that the end times is approaching since Jesus on earth. he ask us as human to repent as we always commited sins every seconds. after i heard about this things, i started to change my lifestlye slowly and try to become pius as possible.

many religions in the end fall to this same prediction. St.Malachy one of the saint in catholic church predicted the list of the popes and as the result, our current pope listed as the second last. means the last pope will serve before the end of the world as well as end of catholic church.

taoist also predicted the same result by using feng shui. you know la, they will use those equipments and forcast the future. they recorded the result long time ago.

recently i read a news stated that NASA said that on 2012 there will be many astroid flowing on the space nearing the earth. In the begining i dont believe it, but after many scientist make research found out that is quite accurate also.

Really scary la. What to do?

nothing can we do. just enjoy life and do good to others lo

DONT WORRY, BE HAPPY. HAHA