Desperate 35

Today is Monday 22 November 2021, I am feeling depressed and having self thought of suicides due to questioning my existence in this world. there is no meaning to live with no job no future that i can forsee myself. Feel that I am a piece of bullshit that live up to 35 years and no career. Im totally blind now and now Im in dilemma of the OM position by Care, for me that is backwards and will affect totally my lifestye and status now that im standing now. at the same time, i do not have any job interview and i do get angry why they do not choose me. really no where to go that why suicide thought really flash up from my mind. I even thought that if i were to jump off from the building, life insurance will not release the sum assured out due to non compliance with the TnC. I even thought of mine as well get COvid and die from it. but all these was just a thought. I really need the universe to tell me exactly what is my career. as i urgently need a job. please show me sign in front of my naked eye. my wisdom mind is too shallow that i cant read the interpretation. i would prefer straight to the point. i cant stand it anymore. sometimes i am having insomia, 3 or 4 am woke up and cant sleep back. even try to listen some soothing music to allow myself continue sleep or else the next day, i do not have any energy and feel sleepy the whole day. i do asking myself, 35 this year and what i have accomplished. i do blame Levis why they retrenched me. I put alot of energy and time in the post and i commit myself to perform. i would say that the only job that i ever put my heart inside to work and perform but in the end im get this treatment back. i am risking myself again and dont know when will i get a job. please universe..... God, Lord, Saint, Buddha, Dorje Shudgen, that you read my post, please help me this poor soul to get a job and career to boost up myself. no time for me to waste anymore. PLease..